Insomniac Crack
by kaikanbutterfly
Summary: Welcome to my insanity. it will amaze, amuse, and disturb you what a sleep deprived mind can come up with.
1. Chapter 1

Welcome to INSOMNIAC CRACK! Step inside and see what i have to offer. Wonderland has got nothing to on my mind when i have had very little sleep! so relax and maybe even laugh at what my exhausted mind brings forth. and remember-we're all mad here!

A/N:welcome to my new series. i suffer from chronic insomnia and i refuse to take pills for it. so here's to turning it will be funny, some will be stupid, while others will make you wonder if i'm okay. so please enjoy! also, i don't own hetalia axis powers.

Chapter 1: Twerking

NOW YOU MIGHT HAVE SEEN IT ON YOUTUBE OR MTV,

BUT RUSSIA HAD THE MOVES BACK IN '43.

I GOT IT ON TAPE, WITH HIS CONSENT,

AT THE WORLD MEETING WHERE HE THREW OUT HIS HIP.

HE GOT SO GOOD HE DIDN'T NEED A BEAT,

HE'D JUST CLAP HIS ASS AND STOMP HIS FEET.

The sight of Russia bent over and jiggling his rather chubby butt really was a sight to behold. France had already passed out due to his massive nosebleed. But how on Earth did our favorite vodka soaked psychopath wind up in this awkward, but oh so memorable; performance? It started on a beautiful spring day in 1943.

Things were relatively normal,other than a naked France running away from China, who was throwing things at him and fussing at him in Chinese. Of course nobody expected him to be speaking Dutch, but it would be polite to point out he was speaking in his own language. But back to the story. Anyways, even Russia seemed to be enjoying the lovely day. UNTIL THE AXIS POWERS SHOWED UP! The three countries were to say in nicely, utterly completely wasted. "Ve~~~. I don't think we're in Kansas anymore, Jeremy!", Italy slurred. "Vhe vere never in Kan's ass, Italia. Japan, vhy are you floating? Or did you get taller than me?" Germany managed to slur out. Japan looked around, refusing to let go of the pole he was clinging to. "Neither Doitsu. It appears that i am being picked up by a tree. what is you position?" Japan said, trying to untangle himself from a tree limb that had snagged his robes. "Lying face down on the ground and refusing to get up. Vhat about you Italy? Are you okay?" Germany called out. "I CHALLENGE THE ALLIES TO A DANCE BATTLE! NO ONE SHALL DEFEAT THE GLORIOUS AXIS POWERS! FWA HA HA HA HA!" Italy roared. And so the battle commenced.

Even the ever positive America had conceded defeat. The Allies had been in the lead, until Jeremy, WHOOPS, I mean Germany, had pulled out his "S AND M STRIPPER" routine. It had really put them over the top. But out of nowhere a heavy thudding bass tore thru the air. lights flooded the entire area. In the very center of the dance floor stood a very unabashed Russia, his pudgy frame was clad only in a sparkly red crop top and matching booty shorts, thigh high fishnet stockings, and bright red stripper heels. But when he began to move, it was magic. His hips rocked and jerked in time to the music. His ass jiggled with the force of a thousand earthquakes. The Axis Powers threw in the towel. They knew they had just been served. But suddenly Russia stopped, his back facing the others. He hauled off and smacked each butt cheek, grabbing them in the process. He bent over, and like a great wave his entire lower body jiggled and wiggled, rolling like a bellydancer's. Blood shot out of everybody's noses! France fainted from the sight! Angels sang! Russia had invented twerking! The Axis Boys slunk away. Nobody could beat that kind of ass shaking. To this very day nobody has ever challenged Russia to a dance battle. And he still won't tell anybody where he learned his moves. But in 2013 when a scantily clad Miley Cyrus Twerked her way head long into controversy, they countries only laughed. oh if she only knew where those moves came from.

Final A/N: So this is what came out when i watched "Mountain Twerker" by the Darrell Brothers on Youtube at three in the morning. hope you enjoyed the first of many chapters from my warped mind.

kaikanbutterfly


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Well here is chapter two of my insanity. enjoy!

Disclaimer: i don't own anything mentioned in this chapter.

Chapter two: The Luchadoré Hamsters vs. The Sparkly Purple Power Thong Of Awesomeness!

Deep in a underground laboratory genetic experiments were running rampant. These tests were hidden from all of the world's governments. Common pet store hamsters were being transformed into motorcycle riding, mask wearing, and pants crappingly terrifying badass Luchadorés. And that was all good and dandy, until the superpowered hamsters revolted. One single hamster escaped. and managed to open all of the computerized cages with his cute little paws. Anarchy took hold and the underground labs were destroyed. The fuzzy little anarchists were loose in the world. in less than a week they had gotten a terrifying (albeit adorable) grip on the world and were poised to take over completely.

All of the G8 members were on their Skype© accounts, their thumbs hovering over large, sparkly, purple, thong shaped buttons. At the count of three they pressed the buttons simultaneously. The earth shook with the force of all the awesomeness. A shower of rainbow colored sparkles appeared in the air. AND THERE HE WAS!

FASTER THAN A SOMEONE WHO HAS TO PEE REALLY BAD!

STRONGER THAN A BODY BUILDER'S B.O.!

ABLE TO LEAP TALL MOUNDS OF DIRTY UNDERWEAR IN A SINGLE BOUND….HE IS….

SPARKLY PURPLE POWER THONG MAN!

"I'm here to mess shit up.", Sparkly Purple Power Thong Man stated with courtesy. He was always very curt. His sparkly, purple thong and matching thigh-high boots matched his glitter covered mask. he was the same height as Germany and just as muscular as the European nation too. in fact he had slicked back blonde hair too. In fact the two had an awful lot in common. was Germany actually a superhero?

But back to our story. The Luchadoré Hamsters revved their motorcycles menacingly, well as menacingly as remote control toy motorcycles could be. they swerved and zoomed around, making it hard for our hero to catch them. finally one hamster in a green mask ran over his foot. this angered the usually curt hero. Sparkly Purple Power Thong Man put his hands on his hips and screamed out his attack. "SUPER CROTCH THRUST IN YOUR GENERAL DIRECTION!", he bellowed. all of the hamsters suddenly disappeared in a shower of sparkles. nobody knew how he did it, but everyone still celebrated. they were safe.

Sparkly Purple Power Thong Man returned to his country home. He flew through his open window, pausing only to close it, took off his mask, hiding it under his bed, climbed in, and went sound asleep. saving the entire world was hard work. In the morning Finland walked up to Sealand's room to wake him up. the boy was snuggled down in his blankets, curled up like a kitten. he walked over to the window and opened the drapes to let the sunlight in. "Sealand it's time to get up! it's a beautiful day outside and the hamsters are all gone!", he chirped as his "son" stirred out of his sleep. When Finland walked out, Sealand sat up to reveal his thigh high sparkly purple boots and matching thong, which was now several sizes too big for him. he grinned. if only jerk England new the truth.

A/N: ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED? seriously thank you for your support. love and peace.

kaikanbutterfly


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